A TALE OF TWO SAUCES

Being Italian, I really thought this dish was going to be a breeze.  I mean, seriously, how hard can pasta be for a girl who bleeds marinara?  What I didn't take into account was that the conglomeration of a few unconventional ingredients would throw me for a loop and the pasta-to-sauce ratio would nearly lead to my demise.  But have no fear, paisano!  I fixed that shit and I fixed it good.

Round 1: Red Sauce & Noodles
The question at hand: Can one make a pasta sauce with canned tomato soup?  Hmmm...well, Spaghetti-Os come pretty close, right?  I figured I'd give it a shot.  And at that moment, my great grandmother Angelina rolled over twice in her grave.

INGREDIENTS:
1 lb lasagna noodles
1 package frozen chopped spinach
1 can condensed tomato soup
1 can diced tomatoes
4 tbsp milk
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 tsp Italian seasoning
1/4 tsp chili powder
1/2 tsp black pepper
1/4 cup grated mozzarella cheese
2 tbsp butter

3 tbsp flour

DIRECTIONS:
Noodles
1. Boil lasagna noodles until tender.  Drain.  Stack in sets of 4-5 noodles and slice lengthwise into strips.  And watch your fingers!  (Yeah, you.)  Them noodles is hotsy totsy.

2. Microwave spinach until heated through.  Add to noodles and stir to combine.

Red Sauce
1. Melt butter in a large saute pan.  Add flour and mix until combined.
2. Add tomato soup, diced tomatoes, garlic, Italian seasoning, chili powder, and black pepper.  Simmer until sauce begins to thicken.

3. Add milk and cheese gradually and stir to mix in.

And huzzah!  A sauce!  And a pretty delicious one at that.  I didn't have spaghetti or linguini and I needed to save all my other noodles for other recipes.  Plus, I really though this would be a cinch and a good way to send the lasagna noodles to sleep with the fishes.  The problem is that these two don't exactly play well together.  Upon tasting, my reaction was a whole-hearted and resounding "Meh."

Behold!  My first attempt.  Looks delish, right?  Weeellll....

I thought maybe it wasn't saucy enough (I loooove sauce) but I needed to make sure I didn't use up all the sauce before the noodles.  The solution?  Add all the sauce (*gasp!*) to all the pasta.  Great grandma just rolled over again.  (In our family, sauce and pasta meet at the dish where there are chaperones.)  It just didn't work.

The positive end bit was that I realized the problem -- not enough sauce on a very, very starchy pasta makes for a very...ehhh...gluey experience.  But did I say FML and throw it out?  No!  I triumphed.  Defeat, I laugh in your ugly face!

Round 2: White Sauce
INGREDIENTS:
2 tbsp butter
2 tbsp flour
1 1/2 cups nonfat milk
1/2 cup grated mozzarella cheese
1/4 tsp salt
Fresh ground black pepper

DIRECTIONS:
1. Melt butter on medium-low heat in a small saucepan.
2. Add flour and stir until combined.

3. Add milk gradually and stir constantly until sauce thickens.
4. Add mozzarella gradually, stirring until all cheese is melted and mixed in.

5. Remove from heat and add salt (more if you like things saltier...).  You can add pepper to taste, but I prefer to add the pepper and a bit more salt to the dish when it's plated.

Booya!  Angela just made her first white sauce!  And an awesome one at that.  I'm not usually one to toot my own horn, but this sauce is bomb.  Straight up nuclear deliciousness.  And added to the pasta combo I'd made before, it stayed good.

Now, I have a sneaking suspicion the white sauce would be great on its own, but I think the mixture of white and red made a nice marriage of tomato and creaminess.  I'm definitely interested in trying this again, though, with just some bare naked pasta; I'm thinking linguini would work well.  I'm pretty proud that not only did my first attempt at white sauce do well, it was my very own recipe and was the result of trusting my instincts.


Round 1
Official Grade for Red Sauce: B+
Official Grade for Red Sauce with Sliced Lasagna Noodles: C-


Round 2
Official Grade for White Sauce: A
Official Grade for Total Combo (Red, White, & Pasta): A

CRANBERRY ALMOND BREAD

Even though it might not seem so at first glance, this endeavor was the result of a fairly monumental occasion.  This was the day I had to buck up, gather all my courage, and keep a stiff upper lip.  Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I had to (*sniff sniff*) leggo my eggo.  That last little egg....he was so lonely sitting there awaiting his adventure.  His expectations and need for purpose, I'm sure, were killing him -- and so was time.  That expiration date was looming and thus, a grand loaf of cranberry almond bread was born from his sacrifice.

INGREDIENTS:
2 cups wheat flour
1 1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
3/4 cup slivered almonds
1 cup chopped cranberries (fresh or frozen)
3/4 cup sugar
3/4 cup orange juice
1/4 cup melted butter
1 egg, beaten

RIP, little buddy.  You were delicious.

DIRECTIONS:
1. Preheat oven to 350F.
2. Mix flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt in a large mixing bowl.
3. Add cranberries and almonds, mixing to coat.  No one likes naked nuts.

4. Mix sugar, orange juice, butter, and egg.  Add to flour mixture and stir until blended.
5. Pour into 9x5 or 8x4 loaf pan.  Bake at 350F for 55-60 minutes or until a toothpick poked into the center comes out clean.  (Make sure you're stick is clean!)
6. Cool in loaf pan for 10 minutes, then remove and finish cooling on a wire rack.

A note on chopped cranberries....
Make sure you use 1 cup chopped cranberries, not 1 cup cranberries that you then chop.  I ended up using about a half a bag of cranberries for one cup.

I really liked this bread served fresh and hot, but cold, it wasn't as good.  I think the fact that I used wheat flour instead of white flour made a difference and I would recommend using white as the original recipe called for.  (If you'd like to see the original recipe, check it out at simplyrecipes.com.)  I also substituted almonds for walnuts, which I didn't have on hand, and although walnuts probably would have been yummy too, it was a good call to use the almonds.  And in another twist, I left out the orange peel the recipe called for which turned out just fine.

The bottom line: This recipe was okay, but a little heavy and too buttery for my taste.  If I were to make it again, I'd substitute applesauce for some of the fat to keep it on the lighter side.

Official Grade: B-

THE GREAT CUPCAKE TRILOGY PART 3: FUN WITH FONDANT

Fondant seems to be the quite the rage these days.  With all these cake decorating shows, it's become a key element that looks really fun to work with.  I've always wanted to work with fondant, just to see what it's like, so when given an opportunity to play with my food and use up an entire bag of marshmallows I thought Hey, why not?

INGREDIENTS:

1/4 cup butter, softened

16 oz mini marshmallows

4 tbsp water

1 tsp vanilla extract

2 lbs confectioner's sugar

DIRECTIONS:

1. In a large microwave-safe bowl, microwave marshmallows on high for about 30 seconds.  That's right.  MICROWAVE A WHOLE PACKAGE OF MARSHMALLOWS ON HIGH.  Welcome to my inner child's dream come true.  If you thought nuking Peeps was bomb, stop reading immediately and go do this.

2. Add water and vanilla and stir in until the mixture is smooth.  If the mixture cools too fast, you can transfer it to double boiler or a metal bowl over a pot of boiling water until warmed.

3. Slowly beat in sugar a cup at a time, until you have a sticky dough.

4. Rub your hands thoroughly with butter and knead the dough on a work surface covered with sugar.  Keep adding sugar as you knead until fondant is firm, smooth, and no longer sticky to the touch.

5. Form fondant into a ball, wrap tightly with plastic wrap, and refrigerate overnight.  

6. To use, roll out onto a surface covered in confectioners' sugar.

Aaah. But yer not done yet.  You need something to stick the fondant to the cake.  Answer: A simple buttercream frosting:

FROSTING INGREDIENTS:

1 stick butter

1 tsp vanilla

1/2 lb confectioners' sugar

milk for consistency

FROSTING DIRECTIONS:

1. Cream butter and vanilla.

2. Add sugar in increments.  Add milk for desired consistency.

3. Frost the cupcakes enough to get the fondant to stick -- nothing fancy, just down and dirty.  

Unfortunately my food dye went MIA, so had to get creative.  Fun with stars and colored sugar!  And who doesn't like an M&M?  But pretty doesn't mean delicious.  Let me give you the skinny on this: I'd never made fondant before this.  I'd never worked with it.  I'd never even tasted it.  Consider this my maiden voyage.  The downside: I can't speak to whether this is a great fondant in any kind of context.  The upside: I can be totally objective.  This fondant didn't work well with these cupcakes and was kind of overwhelming, more in texture than in flavor.  For a layer cake, however, I think it would probably be a good match.  Never having worked with fondant, I also probably rolled it out too thick.

Official Grade for Fondant: B

Epilogue: 

My thoughts on this cupcake overall?  Meh.  Coulda done much better.  Sooo important to edit and let simple things be simple and good.  On the other hand, I'm glad to have tried this so I'll know what to do (and not to do) in the future.  Next time I'd make the chocolate cupcake recipe with my mom's buttercream frosting and leave it at that.  

Official Grade for Cupcake: C

Official Grade for Learning Experience: A

THE GREAT CUPCAKE TRILOGY PART 2: MELEE IN THE MIDDLE

After a pretty darn delicious cupcake made its way out of my oven, I wanted to try dressing it up a bit.  Aaaand, to be honest, I thought this a great opportunity to knock off a jar of jam.  I've filled plenty of chocolate cakes with jam, so it didn't seem like much of a stretch.  But that was your ol' run-of-the-mill raspberry.  What did I have?  Fig, cherry, plum, berry rhubarb, and carrot.   Hmmm...what to do...what to do.....  Damn.  Gonna have to sacrifice a cupcake.

I hadn't opened the carrot yet and since I didn't think that was going to be a good fit anyway, I scrapped that idea pretty quickly.  After careful consideration (a.k.a. tasting; what a shame), I had to go with the rhubarb & berry preserves.  It both worked with the cupcake and fit through the decorating tip I had to use for injecting the jam.

Unfortunately, four days later (waiting for the baby shower) the flavors settled together.  The strong coffee essence came out to battle with the tartness of the jam and not in a great way.  That jam would have been perfect if the cupcake had no coffee.  That cupcake would have been perfect jam-free.  Lesson learned: sometimes flavors can hang together; sometimes flavors try to beat the crap out of each other.

But the story doesn't end there....before four days had passed and I had realized a bit of editing was necessary, it was too late -- I'd topped the cupcakes with (smh) marshmallow fondant....Stay tuned for that climactic conclusion....

THE GREAT CUPCAKE TRILOGY PART 1: A DESSERT IS BORN

Facing both the prospect of using all my eggs and preparing for my coworker's baby shower, I recently made a fateful decision: smack two birds with one stone by tackling a cupcake (dun dun DUN!)...from scratch.  Now, I've made plenty of cakes in my time and having a mom whose lived one of her many lives as a cake decorator, I've engaged in my share of baking frivolity. But to get me through, I've always relied on the kindness and expertise of my two baking BFFs: Duncan Hines and Betty Crocker.  They's my homies.

Sure, last Thanksgiving I made a pear upside-down cake all by my big girl self, but other than that, I admit my entire cake experience has originated in a box.  And although my mom claimed she liked the pear dealybob, she's my mom.  She's required by law to say things like that.  So I'll be honest -- it wasn't great.  And shame on you Martha Stewart; it was your recipe.  You make me sad.

But I digress.  What I mean to say is that making cake mix from scratch scares the living shit out of me.  In the spirit of adventure, however, I took a leap and here it is:

INGREDIENTS:
2 cups white sugar
1/2 cup butter, margarine, or shortening (I used butter)
2 eggs
1 cup nonfat milk
3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa powder
2 cups flour
1 1/2 tsp baking powder
2 tsp baking soda

2 1/2 tsp vanilla extract

1 packet Starbucks Via instant coffee
1 cup boiling water

One container of cocoa powder: Finito!

DIRECTIONS:
1. Preheat oven to 350F.
2. Grease and flour cupcake tins or fill with individual cupcake papers.  (This recipe makes about 30 cupcakes, give or take.)
3. Cream sugar and butter until light and fluffy.
4. Add eggs and mix well.

5. Stir in milk, cocoa, flour, baking powder, baking soda, vanilla extract.
6. Prepare 1 cup of coffee by mixing Via packet in boiling water.  Add to batter and mix thoroughly.

7. Bake for 15 minutes or until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean.
For a cake, use a 9x13" pan and bake 30-35 minutes.

This recipe is another pulled from allrecipes.com and from the reviews I read, I was pretty excited.  It's both popular and well-liked.   However, I will mention that one review said the coffee flavor was unrecognizable but gave the cake a little pop of flavor.  This was what sold it for me so I was disappointed that it turned out to be untrue.  Though it was fairly mild, I could definitely taste the coffee.  For me, this isn't bad, but for non-coffee-lovers, it might not be the best. On the plus side, the cupcakes were definitely akin to a boxed cake (which I love) and were both fluffy and rich in flavor.  I hate dense, bland cake.  This: a win.

Official Grade: A-

KNOCK-YOUR-SOCKS-OFF BREAD PUDDING

Before today, I had only had bread pudding once.  Until about a year ago I'd thought "bread" and "dessert" were not two words that belonged in the same cooking universe.  But I happened to be at Mimi's Cafe one day and ordered a meal that came with bread pudding so I figured I'd give it a shot.  Surprise!  Bread and dessert are like peas and carrots -- they actually can coexist peacefully.

But on this day, my friends, I say whole-heartedly to the Mimi's bread pudding: You are dead to me.  I have a new lover and his name is Bread Pudding II.  I came across this little gem on allrecipes.com, a veritable treasure trove of goodness.  One thousand four hundred and twenty-three people gave this 4.5 out of 5 stars and 48,614 have saved the recipe.  You can't really argue with that.  Well, you can try, but I'd punch you in the face.

Luckily, I had some stale bread on hand, which is what inspired the bread pudding idea and I was more than happy to add in my new favorite thing (is it hot in here or is it just the raisins?), but sadly, I had to part with four -- count 'em FOUR -- eggs.  I have three left guys.  Just three.  And they'd better go damn far.  But after tasting this deliciousness, I do declare those four eggs made a worthy sacrifice:

INGREDIENTS:
3 stale sandwich rolls (1 wheat, 2 white)
2 tbsp butter
1/2 cup raisins
4 eggs
2 cups milk
3/4 cups white sugar
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp vanilla extract

DIRECTIONS:
1. Preheat oven to 350F.  Cover inside of glass baking dish with cooking spray.
2. Cut rolls into cubes.  The easiest way: Slice open the roll, then close it.  From the top, slice in thirds lengthwise and then cut down the roll in 3/4-inch sections.  Spread out in baking dish.

3. Sprinkle with raisins.
4. Melt butter and drizzle over bread cubes.

5. In a large mixing bowl, beat eggs.  Add sugar, cinnamon, vanilla extract, and milk.  Mix thoroughly.
6. Pour mix over bread cubes evenly.  Go wash your hands.  I saw you pick your nose.  Make sure bread is coated by turning over with (hopefully clean) fingers.  Tamp down by hand to ensure the bread soaks up the mixture evenly.
7. Bake at 350F for 35-45 minutes or until top springs back when lightly tapped.

And....EUREKA!  You've struck gold!  It occurred to me as I was making this that it's pretty much like making baked french toast which, of course, makes it even more appealing to me.  For the record, I'm not a food gobbler.  I take my time.  But I gobbled.  Ooooh....I gobbled.  And it is my firm belief that if you even remotely like bread pudding, you will not be disappointed here.  If you make it yourself, make sure to give a shout out to the recipe's creator ELLENMARIE on the recipe's page at allrecipes.com.

Official Grade: A+

CHICKEN MIKEY MASALA

For those of you who know me, you know my experience with chicken masala has been the worst of times aaaaand the worst of times.  The night my now ex-roommate forced me to each her putrid chicken tikka masala is still burned into my memory (and my organs) for all eternity.  (For the full story, see my YouTube cartoon: Because Your Gonna Eat It, That's Why.)  So when my friend Mike -- who knows that whole gory tale -- put a masala recipe before me, I admit -- I balked.

Then I read the recipe.  Not anywhere near simple but happily not containing a single drop of lemon juice (my roommate had squeezed a whole orchard, I think, for her nightmarish concoction) and I was willing to give it a try because I trust my Brudda Mikey.  Everything he makes smells awesome.

Oh, and by the by, I should let you know I've been holding out on you a bit.  I have a spice cabinet that would make you wilt, but I thought it best not to overwhelm you by putting such things on the list.  They're negligible non-contenders anyway.  So let's do this thing.

Cross these babies off, yo!

INGREDIENTS:

2 tbsp olive oil

1 onion

5 cloves garlic

1 can diced tomatoes*

1/8 tsp ground ginger*

2 roasted chicken patties*

½ cup water (approximately)

1 tsp garam masala

  

Masala Seasoning:

2 tsp garlic salt

2 tsp cinnamon

1 tsp coriander

1 tsp powdered cayenne pepper

1 tsp fresh ground black pepper

1 tsp cumin

1 tsp ground ginger

Garnish:

1 cup raisins.  Yes, that's right.  Raisins.

2 tbsp olive oil

1/4 cup sunflower seeds

1/2 cup dry roasted peanuts

Rice:

1 cup rice

2 cups water

Long list, eh?  Don't be daunted!  It's all gonna be okay.

DIRECTIONS

1. Soak raisins (for garnish) in a bowl of water for at least 1 hour.  
2. Add rice to water and bring to a boil.  Reduce heat to low and cook, covered, until rice is fluffy like a cloud (About 15 minutes).
3. Prepare masala seasoning by mixing garlic salt, cinnamon, coriander, cayenne pepper, black pepper, cumin, and 1 tsp ground ginger.  Set aside.
4. Chop onion and mince or press garlic.
5. Drain tomatoes into a small bowl.  Set tomato juice aside.
6. Heat 2 tbsp olive oil in a pan and mix in 2 tsp of masala seasoning (mix about 30 seconds).  Add onion, garlic, tomatoes, and ginger.  Mix thoroughly into spiced oil and cook covered on medium-high for 5-7 minutes.  Uncover and cook 2-4 more minutes (until cooked down).  This is where it starts smelling aaaawesooooome.
7. Cut chicken patties into chunks and microwave until warm. 
8. Pour tomato juice (from the canned tomatoes) into a 1-cup measuring cup.  Fill the rest with water.
9. Add chicken, tomato water, and 2 tsp of masala seasoning.  Bring to a boil. 
10. Add remainder of masala seasoning plus 1 tsp garam masala and mix thoroughly. 
11. Cook uncovered on medium-high until sauce is thick.  Remove from heat and set aside.
12. Drain raisins.  In a separate pan, fry sunflower seeds, peanuts, and raisins in 2 tsp olive oil on medium-high for about 5 minutes.
13. Serve chicken and sauce over white rice with raisin and nut garnish.

*I should mention I've made some alternations to Mike's recipe to fit with the ingredients I had on hand.  His recipe calls for 3 fresh tomatoes (instead of canned), 1 inch fresh ginger (in place of the powder), and 2-3 boneless, skinless chicken breasts in place of the chicken patties.   If you use raw chicken, replace steps 10-11 above with these:

• Add remainder of Masala and mix thoroughly
• Cover and cook on Medium-Low until chicken is done (8-10 minutes)
• Uncover and add 1 Tsp of Garam Masala

Mike's recipe also called for slivered almonds, but when I took them out, grossly stale.  Today's casualty of war: the slivered almonds.  But never you fear; I have sliced ones still.

But I digress.  This dish is actually a combo deal: a thicker version of Chicken Masala (with more heft, less sauce) and Kabsa, an Arabian meat dish covered in nuts and raisins.  And by the way, when I started this whole escapade, I definitely did not say to myself "Hell yes!  This is my opportunity to fry up some raisins, son!" but I'm beginning to think it should be my anthem.  Hot raisins?  Duuuuuude.

A couple warnings, though.  If you're a lightweight like me, go easy on the cayenne pepper.  In fact, you may want to leave it out and add it as needed.  I was hurtin' the first night I ate this.  Hur. Ting.  The second night I went heavier on the rice, so that made it better.  I also do not recommend using pre-cooked chicken patties.  They tasted too salty and processed and took away from the rest of the dish.

So based on my cooking of the dish with what I had on hand...
Official Grade: B

Based on what it probably should taste like with the right ingredients, likely an A.  Thanks, Mike!  Glad to have something new and different for the tasty-buds.