BUTTERSCOTCH BREENIES

At this moment I'm going to ask for your trust.  And I guarantee it -- your faith will be tested.  :)  But seriously, you're not gonna believe the ingredients in my next concoction and on top of that, you won't believe how motherf***ing awesome it is until you've actually tried it.

Now here goes: This recipe...is for brownies.  These brownies...are made with beans.  That's right.  Beans.  Black beans to be exact.  (Get it -- breenie?  Bean...brownie...?)  And it only has two other ingredients, so you have no excuse not to try it.  Now, if you're saying "WTH, lady?  You really expect me to think brownies with beans don't taste like dog doo?"  Yes.  That's exactly what I'm expecting.  In fact, I'm expecting you to make this your new go-to brownie recipe.  Because if you trust me on this and follow it through, your mind will literally explode.  Still unconvinced?  Well then clearly you can't handle this much awesome.

INGREDIENTS:
1 box brownie mix
1/2 cup butterscotch chips
1 can black beans

DIRECTIONS:
1. Drain liquid from beans and return beans to can.  (I just cut two slits with the can opener and drained it.)  Fill can to the top with water.

2. Pour beans and water in a blender and pulverize the living crap out of it.  Try to eliminate any large pieces.  You should end up with a generally smooth mixture, although you'll still see specks of bean skin in it.  (Relax; it's not going to taste like beans.)

3. In a large bowl, combine bean mixture and brownie mix (I prefer Duncan Hines Dark Chocolate Brownie Mix).  Beat until smooth.

4. Fold in butterscotch chips.

5. Pour into baking dish or pan and bake according to directions on box.  Brownies are done when a fork inserted into the center comes out mostly clean.  These brownies are more on the fudgey side, so they won't be as firm in the center as your average cakey brownie.

And that's it!  No oil, no eggs, and you can store the only three ingredients in your cabinet on the long-term so when you've got a hankerin' for a dessert, everything's a-waitin' for ya.  Plus, if you shop at Target, you're droppin' five, maybe seven bucks max (It's all about the Hamiltons, baby), so you're not out much if you're up for a culinary adventure and don't like it.  And as my dad used to say, don't knock it 'til you've tried it.

Official Grade: A+

VEGGIE & CHEESE SOUP PASTA

Until now, I've only known Campbell's Cheddar Cheese Soup to be a broccoli covering.  (In case you've never done it, heat up a can without adding anything to it. Goes great on vegetables.)  So why not put it on vegetables on pasta, eh?  Turns out this was a pretty neat idea, especially if you need something filling in a hurry.

INGREDIENTS:
6 oz. egg noodles
1 can cheddar cheese soup
1/4 cup milk
1 package frozen brussels sprouts
1 package frozen asparagus
salt and pepper to taste

DIRECTIONS:
1. Cook noodles in salted water.  Drain and set aside.
2. Before opening bag, snap asparagus spears into 1-2 inch pieces.  You'll have to do this by feel, but it's better than trying to cut them once they're cooked.

If you do miss a few, though, just snip those suckers with some kitchen scissors....

3. Cook asparagus and brussels sprouts according to package directions.
4. Heat cheese soup and milk in a saucepan and mix until smooth.

5. Combine noodles, veggies, and cheese sauce.  Add salt and pepper to taste.

If I were to do this again, I'd boil the brussels sprouts instead of steaming them.  They're a great vegetable, but their bitter flavor is a little to much for me when steamed.  Also, you might consider broccoli, cauliflower, or green beans as alternatives if you don't like the veggies I used.  It's no gourmet, but this is a good I-need-something-quick meal.

In the future, I'd like to try another version with some parmesan, asiago, or fontina for a stronger cheese flavor, and I'd probably add some chunks of ham too.  Although I like mac and cheese, I don't like it greasy and I think meat and veggies jazz it up a bit.  If YOU have a great Mac & Cheese+ recipe, I'd love for you to share it below.  I heart cheese, so I'm ready for you to blow my mind.

Official Grade: B

NUTTY THAI NOODLES

Hmmmm....  Noodles, peanut butter.  Yup, that'll work.  Now, from the outset of this particular adventure, I'd never whipped up a peanut sauce before but I'd heard rumors that it could be made with the good ol' PB.  A bit of tippety tapping on the keyboard and a little surfing of el internet and it turned out I was right.  Now, I'm sure that my all my Asian friends' grandmothers would roll over in their graves if they heard this, but hey -- I've got peanut butter and they're not here to tell me no.  Hence, I give you Nutty Thai Noodles a la White Girl.

INGREDIENTS:
Peanut Sauce
1/2 cup peanut butter
1/2 cup hot water
1/4 cup soy sauce
3 tbsp brown sugar
3/8 tsp cayenne pepper
1/4 tsp ground ginger

Noodles
Peanut sauce (see below)
1 package thin rice sticks
1 package frozen green beans
1 package tofu
2 tbsp oil
ground peanuts (for garnish and awesomeness)
soy sauce

DIRECTIONS:
Peanut Sauce:
1. In a saucepan on low heat, combine peanut butter and water.  Make sure to add water gradually to avoid lumpy peanut butter soup.  Mix until smooth.

2. Stir in soy sauce, brown sugar, cayenne pepper, and ginger and blend to a smooth mixture.

Noodles:
1. Boil rice sticks in water or soak, covered, in the refrigerator overnight.  Drain and set aside.

2. Steam or boil green beans and add to noodles.

3. Drain tofu and cut into cubes. Press.  If you've never pressed tofu, you can learn how to do it here or you can get lazy like I did and press it between two plates and paper towels multiple times until most of the water is out.

4. Fry tofu in oil until browned a bit.  Remove from heat and add to noodles and green beans.

5. Add peanut sauce and mix thoroughly.  Add additional soy sauce and ground peanuts to taste just before serving.

Other than the fact that the green beans were undercooked (yeeaaah...shoulda checked that before I mixed them into the noodles....), this was pretty delicious.  If you want to eat it with just the peanut sauce alone, I'd double the recipe; otherwise, just add soy sauce when you serve it.  I also recommend lots of ground peanuts, which give a nice texture and good flavor, plus this is my claim to actual culinary legitimacy -- I learned to add ground peanuts to noodles from an actual Thai chef when I did a project in high school.

Bottom line: Sure, you have to make a sauce but the rest is pretty simple.  I couldn't wait to get home to eat this every night, so that's probably a good sign.  Only because I botched the green beans:

Official Grade: A-

EASY CROCKPOT CHILI

You know those weeks when you can just barely get through the day without 500 people wanting something from you?  Those weeks when you barely get enough sleep to make sentences -- even with the aid of Starbucks -- and you'd could call in sick if only your absence didn't cause more work for you?  You know, the weeks where a trip to the grocery store is completely out of the question and making a hot meal is like ripping out your very own soul?

Have no fear -- Crockpot Chili is here!  This is one of those meals I keep going back to, not just because it's as easy as updating your Facebook status, not just because it's delicious, but because you can buy the ingredients pretty far in advance in anticipation of just such a circumstance.  The only things that are perishable in this recipe are ground beef (freeze it!) and an onion, which lasts a pretty long darn time.  All the rest are canned and before you chastise me for making a meal from canned foods, 1) actually try it and 2) take note of the venti latte to which you are so dearly clinging.  Nuff said?

INGREDIENTS:
1 lb lean ground beef or ground turkey
1 small onion, chopped
1 28oz can diced tomatoes, undrained
1 15oz can great northern beans, rinsed and drained
1 15oz can kidney beans, rinsed and drained
1 15oz can chili beans
1 8oz can tomato sauce
1 4oz can chopped green chilies
1-2 tbsp chili powder

DIRECTIONS:
1. Brown meat and cook onion through.  Drain and discard any fat.  Transfer to crockpot.

2. Add canned items and the chili powder (I prefer one tablespoon 'cause I'm a wuss) and cook on High for 6-8 hours or until done.  That's it!

I used beef this time, which I think is better, but I've used turkey before and it's also good.  In fact, this began as a recipe I got from Slow Cooker Recipes for All Occasions, which has some other great selections.  The original called for black beans and garbanzo beans, but I always thought the garbanzos never cooked right and one time I went to get all my beans, Target only had great northern beans, kidney beans, and chili beans.  An excellent accident!  I think the chili has been much improved upon.

I recommend serving with cheese (I love mozzarella; my family likes a Mexican blend) and/or sour cream.  Also note there is no added salt here, so if you want, add salt as needed.

Considering I make this all the time and it continues to be scrum-diddly-umptious AND considering I've made it for my aunt, uncle, and cousins and they annihilated it, I'm gonna say this passes with flying colors and extra credit.

Official Grade: A+

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?!

The beach off the Santa Monica pier

So here's the story.  No, I haven't been starving, but I did have a nice little month-long excursion to SoCal.  And when I got back I had to fall straight into the start of the school year and I've been planning my bootie-ootie off, morning 'til night, ever since.

But let's talk summer.  For those of you who know me well, you know I work on film crews in my spare time and I was faced with a stretch of vacation consisting of A) couch-surfing and a second round of Law & Order marathons or B) making a go at working on some excellent Hollywood flicks.  Hmmm...that was a hard one.

I strenuously object.  WTH are we doing
naming a freeway after this bastard?

So off I drove to stay with my aunt, uncle, and cousins for a month of prospective excitement and I can't say I was disappointed.  I met some really cool people, both famous and not, learned a TON, found out how to navigate LA, and toured some amazing places, all while beefing up my resume.  I'd call that a success.

A sculpture at the Getty Villa in Malibu

A lot of people have asked me why I didn't say anything about it until I came back.  Pretty simple, really: I didn't need to advertise all over the interwebz that my apartment was sitting empty for a month. It's like telling the whole world "Hey, you!  Please come rob me!"  Call me paranoid, but I didn't need to be worrying about that.  What a buzz kill that would be.

And now it's time for a bit of a confession, but not much of one.  I'd had every intention of bringing some boxed food with me, but I was literally two hours into my road trip before I realized I'd forgotten.  C'est la vie, eh?  I swear to you I didn't do it on purpose.  How can you be sure?  BECAUSE IF I'D BROUGHT ALL MY FOOD I COULD HAVE BOUGHT SOME FREAKIN' EGGS BY NOW.  I want eggs SOOO bad.

If I die young, bury me in satin,
lay me down on a bed of Jersey Mike's

But I digress.  What did I eat when I was down there?  Well, film sets feed pretty good and when you're on way home from a 13-hour day, you're not really interested in going home to cook, so the fast food kings (including my new obsession, Jersey Mike's) made a mint off my exhausted hunger.  Also, my aunt and uncle who were already kind enough to put me up were insistent that their house was my house and their food was my food.

Of course, I couldn't just let them cook for me without providing some sustenance in return, so here's where I admit to some cheating (but for a good cause).  I bought ingredients for one pan of lasagna and one pot of crockpot chili (which you'll see next; I made a pot for myself before I left for LA).  Additionally, a few boxes of granola bars (no telling what sets will have for snacks and it's best to have some on hand) and a carton of oats for oatmeal (the Cheerios weren't giving me enough energy for the long days).  And that's it.  That ALL I cheated on in a month, so I think I did pretty well.  

My friend Missy and I in Ventura

By the by, I'd like to mention why I don't have any set pictures up.  The lowdown: 1) it's not super cool to be taking pictures while there's work to be done, 2) sometimes it's not allowed, 3) sometimes you have to wait until the project is distributed to show any photos, 4) the set photos are on FB and I can't download them, or 5) I don't look good in them.  :)

So when all was said and done, I'd worked on three movies and a music video, went to the Getty Villa and the Getty Center, drove Malibu canyon (omg, never again), checked out Santa Monica, cruised around Hollywood, visited my friend Missy, saw some fireworks from a Chuck-E-Cheese parking lot, made a corndog commercial with my family, did some shopping, got lost, got found, had a ball, and in a nutshell, that was my summer.

Grauman's Chinese Theater, Hollywood
(The street was blocked off for the Phineas & Ferb premiere)

So, I will soon return to cooking and blogging, just as soon as I have a chance between lesson plans, sleep, and going to Starbucks.  In the mean time, I'd love to see some of YOUR recipes.  If you'd like to share a miracle you've created in the kitchen, give us the recipe and the rundown in the comments section below.

Until next time....