PANCAKES GO KAPUT

Don't get too excited.  The pancakes I made didn't look as delicious as this, but the imagery will make sense in a moment.

I'd like to make this official: the pancake mix has bit the dust, and I don't mean because I ate it all.  I ate some of it, in fact, and did a few experiments trying to make stuffed pancakes, pancake puffs, pancakes with almonds, pancakes with cranberries, and pancakes with prunes.  Given that this was 10-grain pancake mix, I wasn't really surprised when the pancakes I made were a little less than desirable.  That's the price you pay sometimes for a little extra fiber.  But after tasting 5 types of pancakes with not much improvement, I reached my final conclusion: this is either the nastiest tasting pancake mix ever or something's wrong with it.  It's too bitter to be right.

So, of course, I wanted to double-check and I let my fingers do the walking (in other words, I Googled it).  I'm thinking, "Can pancake mix actually go bad?" Answer: YES.  Apparently pancake mix can grow mold.  And if you're allergic to mold like I am, that pancake mix can kill you.  Confirmed by Snopes.  I checked.

Now, I'm not going into anaphylactic shock or anything and I can't confirm that I actually ate mold, but I'm not willing to take the risk.  Plus, the bitter aftertaste I'm still getting an hour later is something to be reckoned with, so my best course of action is to send that shite to meet its maker.

It's evil.  Evil, I tell you.  You can officially cross this off this little demon of the list with a big fat grade of F.

ASPARAGUS & ARTICHOKE PIZZA

On the heels of my bran muffin success I give you my first entree: Asparagus & Artichoke Pizza.  And it's my very own creation!  Woot woot! But I digress. Cross these puppies off!

INGREDIENTS:
Firenza beer bread mix
12 oz sparkling water
2 tbsp cornmeal
2 tbsp butter
2 cloves garlic
8 sticks string cheese
8 oz frozen steam-in-the-bag asparagus
1 can artichoke hearts (in water)
Fresh ground pepper

Casualties of war (May they rest in peace.):
4 (more) tbsp butter
2 (more) cloves garlic
I tried to fry the garlic, but I either overcooked it or it just wasn't a good idea to fry it in the first place.  It wasn't as fragrant as it started off so I chose to start over and go with raw garlic instead.

DIRECTIONS:

1. Preheat the oven to 350 F.
2. Spray pizza stone with cooking spray (Is this pizza stone sacrilege?  I don't know, but I did it anyway.) and sprinkle lightly with cornmeal.
3. Combine beer bread mix and sparkling water.  Knead a couple times until a dough forms.
4. Plop dough onto middle of stone and pull outward to form a crust.  (btw, this isn't your normal high-flying, twirly-whirly roll-into-a-ball type pizza dough.  It's super sticky, but it makes an amazing crust.)
5. Bake crust alone for 20 minutes.



Gross, but worth it.

While crust is baking...
6. Steam asparagus in the microwave for 8 minutes and cut up into 1-inch pieces.
7. Melt butter.
8. Mince or press garlic and combine with melted butter.
9. Chop artichoke hearts.
10. Grate cheese.

Side note on the perils of grating sticks of string cheese: Don't let them get to room temperature.  As they lose temperature, they get all wormy and don't want to cooperate.  And for goodness sakes, watch your fingers!  Mine almost joined the cheese.  Of course, when I told my sister this, her reply: "Pssh; I coulda told you that."  So maybe you already know this, but I though I'd mention it just in case you don't have wisdom of a sage packed into a 22-year-old's body.  But back to the show:

1. *Once the crust makes it's escape from the oven, brush on butter and garlic mixture, evenly distributing the garlic.
2. Sprinkle with half the cheese.
3. Throw on the asparagus.
4. Add the rest of the cheese and then the chopped artichoke hearts on top.
5. Bake 20-25 minutes or until crust is golden and cheese is melted.
6. Finish off with fresh ground black pepper. And if you don't already own a pepper mill, get one.  It will change your life.

But...but...where's the sauce?!?!  Strangely, not necessary.  The garlic and butter do the job just fine and let the flavor of the crust come through.  If any of you are interested in this particular mix, I can only find it at Ross, Marshalls, and TJ Maxx of all places and it's not available all the time.  If you get the chance, though, I'd recommend it as it has kind of a sweeter flavor than most crusts and lends itself well to this particular concoction.

FINAL THOUGHTS:
I've made something similar to this before but without artichokes and with feta, parmesan, and potatoes and although that was also good, both my sister and I agree that this pared down version was actually better.
Official Grade: A
Official Sister Grade: A




*Please 'scuse the numbering.  I'm new to Blogger and I'm too tired to make it work right now.

APPLE RAISIN BRAN MUFFINS

Alright, let's get this show on the road here.  For my first feat of strength, I'll be making a little muffin magic with the boxed apple cinnamon muffin mix, not because I'm a coward, mind you, but because it's pretty much the only thing on my list that requires a perishable item.  With everything else, I can make do, but this is a no-brainer.  Get the muffins out of the way and we're off to a good start.  Aaaaaand (drum roll please...) now I can happily check the following items off my list.  Booyah!

INGREDIENTS:
1 box Fiber One apple cinnamon muffin mix
2 eggs
1 cup raisins
3/4 cups water

I've made this mix before and found that these particular muffins are a little plain.  And what an awesome opportunity to create baked chaos!  Yes, I know I'm not really living on the edge by adding raisins.  But I did consider chopped prunes at one point.  Given their mushiness, though, I was worried that the mix wouldn't hold up.  For now, it's all about the shrivelly grapes.  Also, I left out the oil that the original directions called for.  It's about as necessary as Paris Hilton.

Look!  It's so sad without raisins....

DIRECTIONS:

Pretty simple.  Throw that shit in a bowl and mix it up so all the ingredients get friendly.  Then, bake it 'til it's awesome.

But seriously:

1. Preheat oven to 425 F.
2. Combine mix, eggs, and water until smooth.
3. Mix in raisins.
4. Pour into muffin tins and bake for 15-20 minutes.  (You'll know they're done when you poke a muffin and your stick comes out clean.)

Now, given that it wasn't really a big stretch, I have to say I'm proud of myself for taking a leap of faith and not just going by the box.  And even better, it inspired me to go off-book for my next creation -- Asparagus & Artichoke Pizza.  

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Although they could be a bit more moist, I'd say these are a rather delicious little snacky.  They probably would have been more moist if I'd added the oil, but that's a trade I'm willing to make.

Official Grade: A-

I'm on my way folks!  And keep those suggestions coming.  I continue to be amazed at the prospect of cooking things I didn't think could be combined legally.

HITTING THE GROUND RUNNING

So in hopes of getting this show on the road (and not ending up with a total clusterf*** on my hands), I'm trying to organize.  Here, so far, is my plan of attack for a portion of the items.  Thanks Rebecca and Sarah for the suggestions!  If you can think of any items from the "WHAT'S LEFT" list that could go into these dishes or that would go together to make a new one, let me know.

What have I gotten myself into?

Just for the sake of space and sanity, I'm not going to post an updated list every time I make food, but I will keep you up to date on what I've used and post a list every so often when I've made a large enough dent.  In the mean time....

CURRENTLY PLANNED COMBOS (Not necessarily in this order)
Creamy Tuna Broccoli Pasta

2 cans	Chunk light tuna in water
1 box	Tuna Helper Creamy Broccoli

Cheesy Chicken Pasta

1 box	Tuna Helper Cheesy Pasta
1 can	(12.5 oz) Canned chicken in water

Black Bean Brownies (Don't fight me on this one; these are actually good.)

1 can	(15 oz) Black beans
1 box	Dark chocolate brownie mix

Barbecue Chicken Strips

1 bottle	(18 oz.)  Sweet Baby Ray’s barbecue sauce
1/2 bottle	(6 oz.) honey dijon mustard
2 tbsp	Sweet Baby Ray’s barbecue sauce
40 oz.	Boneless skinless chicken breast tenders

Apple Cinnamon Muffins

1 box	Apple cinnamon muffin mix
3	eggs

Beer Bread Veggie Pizza

½ liter	Sparkling water
8	string cheese
1 box	Beer bread mix
2 cloves	garlic
2 tbsp	butter
1 can	(14 oz) artichoke hearts
1	8 oz bag asparagus

Lasagna 

8 packs	String cheese
2 cans	(14.5 oz) diced peeled tomatoes
¼ cup	Parmesan cheese
1	Onion
2 cloves	garlic
2/3 pkg.	Frozen spinach
1 lb.	Lasagna noodles
1 can	(10.75 oz) Tomato soup

Noodles & Veg

1	12 oz bag asparagus
6 oz.	Egg noodles
1 bag	(16 oz) Brussels sprouts

Gobi Cauliflower

1 bag	(16 oz) cauliflower
1 packet	Gobi spice blend

Thai Noodles

1/2 cup	Crushed peanuts
1 packet	soy sauce
1 cup	Individual peanut butter
1 bag	(14 oz.) Wide rice sticks (noodles)
1 bag	(16 oz) broccoli

Stir Fry

14 oz.	Extra firm tofu
1 cup	Individual peanut butter
2 packets	soy sauce
??	Oyster flavored sauce
1 bag	(14 oz.) Thin rice sticks (noodles)
1 bag	(14 oz) whole green beans
1/2 cup	Crushed peanuts

Cranberry Crumble

3 bags	(12 oz) cranberries
??	sugar and/or splenda
1	Large fuji apple
1 bag	(12 oz) Maple Crunch granola

Au Gratin Potatoes

1 box	Betty Crocker Au Gratin Potatoes
1 sm bag	Dried potatoes

Cheeseburger Macaroni

1 box	Whole Grain Hamburger Helper Cheeseburger Macaroni
1/4 lb.	Lean ground beef

Crock Pot Chili

3/4 lb.	Lean ground beef
1 can	(8 oz) Tomato sauce
1 can	(15 oz) Kidney beans
1 can	(15 oz) White beans
1 can	(14.5 oz) diced tomatoes with onion, celery, and green pepper
1 can	(15 oz) chili beans
1	onion
1 can	(4 oz) diced green chiles

Beef Stroganoff

1 box	Hamburger Helper Stroganoff
1/4 lb.	Lean ground beef
1 handful	Whole wheat rotini

Individually Portioned Meals

1	Mushroom noodle soup bowl
1 can	Campbell’s Chicken Tuscany soup
4 boxes	Amy’s Indian Mattar Paneer frozen dinner
1	Lean Cuizine mini pepperoni pizza
1	Healthy Choice chicken parmigiana dinner

WHAT'S LEFT
So my remaining list, minus a little butter here, a little flour and sugar there....

Perishable
	½ carton	Mint cookie crunch ice cream
	7	Eggs
	1 jar	(24 oz) salsa
	½ slice	Smoked gouda
	1/2 bottle	(6 oz.) honey dijon mustard
Sides
	1 bag	Tasty Bite Bangkok Beans
	1 box	Cornbread stuffing
	5 cups	Biscuit mix
Meat
	4	Crunchy breaded fish fillets
	2	Roasted chicken patties
Vegetables
	1 can	(8.25 oz) sliced beets
	1 can	(4 oz) diced green chiles
	2/3 bulb	Garlic
	1 jar	sliced pepperoncini
	1 jar	Pickle sandwich slices
	1 jar	Butter chips (pickles)
Bread
	1 loaf	Sliced 12-grain bread
	¼ loaf	Unsliced wheat bread
	3	Stale rolls
Noodles
	1 box	(16 oz) elbow macaroni
Rice
	1 cup	Short grain brown rice
	2 cups	Long grain brown rice
	4 cups	Long grain white rice
Grains
	1.5 cups	Cous cous
	2 cups	Polenta
	2 cups	Grits
	6 cups	Cornmeal
Snacks
	3 sleeves	Saltine crackers
	1 bag	Baked Tostitos Scoops
	3 bags	Orville Redenbacher’s Smart Pop! 100 Calorie Bags
Condensed Soups
	1 can	(10.75 oz) Cream of chicken soup
	1 can	(10.75 oz) Cheddar cheese soup
Soup Mixes
	1 bag	Roasted garlic potato corn soup mix
	1 box	Beefed-up barley soup mix
	1 box	Seafood veggie chowder soup mix
	1 carton	(16 oz) Matzo meal
Dried Fruit
	1.5 cups	Dates
	1.5 bags	(18 oz) fruit and berry trail mix
	2 lbs.	Raisins
	1.5 cups	Prunes
	1.5 cups	Dried cranberries
	3 tbsp	Raspberry jam
	1 jar	(9.5 oz) rhubarb & berry fruit spread
	1 jar	(10 oz) fig preserves
Nuts & Seeds
	1 cup	Sunflower seeds
	½ cup	Sliced almonds
	1 handful	Whole almonds
	2 cups	Flax seeds
	1.5 cups	Pumpkin seeds
	1 jar	Dry roasted peanuts
	½ cup	Slivered almonds
Jams, Jellies & Preserves
	1 jar	(10 oz) carrot jam
	1 jar	(2.45 oz) dark cherry butter
	1 jar	(2.45 oz) plum preserves
	1 jar	(12.5 oz) Pumpkin butter
Nut Spreads
	3	(2.5 oz each) Single serve peanut butter
	8 oz	Almond butter
	2 tbsp.	Peanut butter
Baking
	15	Graham crackers
	3 cups	Flax meal
	1 bag	Chocolate melts
	1 box	(18 oz) Eating Right granola cereal
	1 bag	(individual) bran cereal
	1 bag	(individual) Kashi puffed wheat cereal
	1 canister	Hershey’s cocoa
	1 bag	Cinnamon sticks
	2 cups	Wheat germ
	1 bag	(16 oz) mini marshmallows
	1 cup	Protein powder
	1 ½ cups	Butterscotch chips
	2 cups	White chocolate chips
	1 box	Junior mint inside-outs
	7	Chocolate covered Oreo cookes
	5 cups	Pancake mix
Axed drink Items
	1 bottle	Sparkling apple cider
	1 box	Individual Crystal Light lemonade packets
	7	Fruit Chillers Freeze & Eat tubes (strawberry)
	1 bottle	Chai cola
	2/3 bottle	Grenadine
Axed Condiments (ones I want to use up)
	3 packets	Soy sauce
	9 packets	Mild Taco Bell Border Sauce
	4 packets	Verde Taco Bell Border Sauce
Axed Staples   (ones I want to use up)
	1 packet	Taco seasoning mix
	1 packet	Fajita seasoning mix
	1 packet	Beef stew seasoning mix
	1 packet	Sloppy joe seasoning
	1 packet	Tandoori chicken spice mix
	8 cups	Wheat flour
	1 ½ cups	Splenda brown sugar blend for baking
	1 bag	Splenda sugar blend for baking
	1 ½ cups	Turbinado sugar
	½ cup	Dry yeast
	3 lbs	Powdered sugar
Condiments
	1 bottle	Ketchup
	1.5 bottles	Worcestershire sauce
	1 bottle	Oyster flavored sauce
	1 bottle	Honey
	1 jar	Chili garlic sauce
	1 bottle	Hot sauce
Staples
	1 box	Brown sugar
	1 box	Corn starch
	2 canisters	Baking powder
	10 cups	White flour
	8 cups	Sugar
	7 ¼  sticks	Margarine
	½ stick	Butter
	1 lb.	Butter
	1/2 canister	Hershey's cocoa
	Hella	Tea