CHOCOLATE OATMEAL NO-BAKE COOKIES (TIMES 4)

There are a lot of things in this world we can't rely on: the weather, money, best friends who you think are your best friends but stab you in the back right smack in the middle of your impressionable teenage years...but I digress.  The only thing I've always been able to rely on is the arrival of my grandmother's yearly batch of Christmas cookies.  Bon bons, chocolate covered peanut butter ritz, oatmeal raisin, and my very VERY favorite -- chocolate oatmeal no-bakes.  Unfortunately, my grandmother is kind of...parsimonious when it comes to doling out the secrets of her recipes.

Grandma puts the cookies in coffee and oatmeal containers
rolled in wrapping paper and sends them to her kids' familes
every year.  She had 7 kids.  Damn, that's a lot of coffee and oatmeal.

Case in point, my father asked her for her sugar cookie recipe once and it took him years and many many batches to massage it into the actual recipe.  See, I suspect her strategy is to give out most of the recipe so it seems similar and then change some of it just to make not exactly hers.  Go ahead.  Say it.  "She's old.  She probably forgot."  or "Maybe she cooks by feel and doesn't know the exact measurements."  Bullshit.  She may not have been born an Ortner, but she was married to one, which means if it wasn't in her genes, she learned very well how to be sneaky.

Long story short: this isn't her recipe.  But lucky for me there are plenty of incarnations of it floatin' around on the wings of the interwebz and I found a good one -- and then made it better.  And what's more, I'm going to share it with all of you.

INGREDIENTS: 
1 c. white sugar
1 c. brown sugar
1/2 c. nonfat milk
1/2 c. margarine
4 tbsp. cocoa powder
2 1/2 c. oats
1/2 c. peanut butter
Variation 1: add 1 c. dried cranberries
Variation 2: add 1 c. chopped dates
Variation 3: add 1/2 c. pepitas (pumpkin seeds)

DIRECTIONS:
1. Lay out two sheets of waxed paper.
2. Melt margarine on low in a medium saucepan.  Add milk.

3. Combine white sugar, brown sugar, and cocoa powder and add mixture to saucepan.

4. Cook on medium low heat until the mixture comes to full rolling boil.
5. Cook at a boil for 1 minute.
6. Remove from heat and add peanut butter.  Mix well until blended.

7. Mix in oats.  For variations: Add cranberries, dates, or pepitas and mix well.
8. Drop onto waxed paper and let cool.  Voila!  Delicious!

To test out the different variations, I just divided the batch in four and added the equivalent.  If you'd like to make a multi-batch like I did, divide the mix after adding the oats and peanut butter.  One quarter stays plain. To the other quarters, add 1/4 c. cranberries, 1/4 c. dates, and 1/8 c. pumpkin seeds.  And not that I tried it, but I'm sure raisins or walnuts would be pretty good too.

The dates I had were a bit too dry for this, but I think that's just the particular dates I used.  Otherwise, this experiment went off without a hitch.  And I guarantee you, the cranberry ones will change your life.

Official Grade for Plain No-Bakes: A


Official Grade for Cranberry No-Bakes: A++


Official Grade for Pepita No-Bakes: A


Official Grade for Date No-Bakes: A-