ALABAMA FIRE CRACKERS & HOT TACO CRACKERS

I don't know why I ever buy saltine crackers.  No, wait.  I know exactly why I buy saltine crackers.  I go down the snack aisle browsing for crackers and always make the huge mistake of looking at the nutritional facts.  And instead of saying "Oh, Angela.  Just buy the crackers you like and use some self control," I say "Oh, Angela.  Buy the saltines.  They're way better for you and you shouldn't trust yourself with delicious things."

I'm literally rolling my eyes at myself right now.  I know it's dumb.  After all this cooking -- and ultimately having to force myself to eat the things I've bought -- I can honestly say that all of me, not some of me, ALL OF ME now says "BUY SOME DAMN F***ING CRACKERS, BITCH.  AND BUY THE GOOD ONES."  Why? Because when all is said and done, the only way I will eat an entire box of saltines is this way.  I made two batches, one with a twist on an existing recipe and one of my own, just to make it interesting:

INGREDIENTS:

<<Alabama Fire Crackers>>

1/4 tsp. garlic powder

1/4 tsp. onion powder

1/8 tsp. black pepper

3/4 tbsp. chili flakes

1 tbsp. from mix of 1 3/8 tsp. paprika, 1/2 tsp. sugar, 1/2 tsp. salt

1/2 cup olive oil

1 sleeve saltine crackers

<<Hot Taco Crackers>>

1/2 tsp. garlic powder

1/2 tsp. onion powder

1/4 tsp. black pepper

1 envelope taco seasoning

1 tbsp. chili flakes

1/2 cup + 1 tbsp. olive oil

2 sleeves saltine crackers

DIRECTIONS (the same for both recipes):

1. Mix seasoning together in a large Ziploc bag and add oil.  Seal bag securely and mix spices with oil by squishing them around.

2. Open bag and add crackers.  Shake that baby up until all the crackers are fairly well coated.

BUT (and this is a serious "but") make sure the bag is sealed properly.  Or this will happen.

RIP Crackers #1-5.  You gave your lives so others could learn.

3. Lay flat on the counter for 30 minutes.  

4. Shake and turn over.  Let sit for another 30 minutes. 

5. Shake and turn over.  Let sit for another 30 minutes. (Yes, again.)

6. All done!  Munch munch those munchies!

This is why I now have no problem buying any type of cracker.  It turns out that to make crackers good, oftentimes a little oil has to enter the picture to get the seasoning to stick and coat them with deliciousness.  I would hands down make these again and I recommend them for a party or if you have to bring something to a potluck and you're tired of bringing ye olde tater salad.

Also, if you like your crackers spicier, add some more chili flakes.  These were just about perfect for me because I'm a lightweight, but my buddy Mike (who would bathe in capsaicin if given the chance) said they could be hotter.

Official Grade: A+